So I Was Thinking...

Extreme Makeover Blog Edition

2009-08-08T17:04:00.001-06:00

It's bigger. It' better. It's my new(er) blog!

From here on out... go here: http://meredithdunn.wordpress.com/

See y'all there!

Wedded Bliss & .... Stuff

2009-07-21T20:32:00.002-06:00

It's been another month, and no update. It isn't because I have had anything note-worth going on. To the contrary, I have been so busy, I haven't had time to write. But there have been plenty of things on my mind and one thing specifically on my heart that has been the source of frustration, confusion, hurt, and today... hope.

All my friends keep getting married. I understand that I am in that stage and chapter in life in which it is inevitable. Fine. But I have felt as though everyone else's story is being written, progressing, and mine is...not. It's like a bad moving ending: one that leaves you hanging with all sorts of questions unanswered and absolutely no closure or clue as to what the ending could possibly be.

I know I know. My life isn't a movie, nor is it over. "It's just beginning." Thank you. I simply mean that, while everyone else's life seems to take a patterned turn, mine is on another track. And if I were the kind of person that craved adventure, spontaneity and the like, I'd be pretty excited. But I am, in fact, a very scheduled, routine, and at times I suppose fairly boring person in comparison. But I am happy that way. I like the predictability of my life. Because when things are predictable, I am always prepared. I can't be caught off guard, I'm on top of it all, which is actually, one of my many downfalls. I find myself supplementing God with, myself. Oops.

So, as a means of correcting my misguided mindset and behavior, the Lord has thrown me a curve ball, a breaking ball, one high and outside (I like baseball)... and I swung like a girl.

My lack-luster imagination has been blown away at the story that the Lord is writing in my life: the setting, the characters, the adventures, and the trials. And more than anything else, as someone who prides myself in being able to see beauty in the muck and the mire, to find the diamond in the rough, even I am anxiously anticipating what He is leading me to because at present, I'm having a hard time getting my vision to focus.

About a week ago, while out to dinner with my roommate and friend, I verbalized something that I had stifled for a while. I feel like a personified Catch 22. Here's why.

*Disclaimer: The following is really really honest and raw... I'm just saying*

I've never dated anyone. I've been on dates; few of which were ever seconds. I've never been in a dating relationship with someone though. And sure, there are "pros" to that I suppose, or say people say. No baggage. No drama. No heartbreak recovery.

I was recently talking to a friend of mine and when were describing the kind of guys we were praying for, and one thing we both mentioned was that we hoped that they were "experienced." Experienced in the sense of, they knew exactly what they wanted, they knew exactly where they were going, and they knew how they were going to get there. All of this "knowing" obviously referring to their imaginary relationship with us, their love-at-first-sight girlfriends. (feel free to laugh here... we did)

That's when it dawned on me. I don't bring that to the table. I don't have any experience. I don't know what I want in a relationship, I don't know where I am going in a relationship, and I don't know how to get the undeclared destination. I realized that all those things that I am looking for, (a) I don't possess and (b) would most likely be wanted by the guy, right? It's only fair.

So, if you follow the cyclical but irrational, reasoning, then you could probably determine that I came to the conclusion that no one will date me if I have not dated, but the only way in which for me to gain any understanding of the dating world is in fact to date. Round and round I go.

I'm dizzy.

Back to the table at which I shared all of this with my roommate. The look on her face broke my heart. She literally heard me say that I had come to terms with giving up hope on ever changing my relationship status. Her eyes began to water; her chin quivered, and suddenly a single, lonely tear trickled down her freckled cheek. And with soft, genuine, and determined voice she said to me:

"Meredith, I wish you knew how much the Lord loves you. How enthralled He is by your beauty, your heart, and the way that you think, love and laugh. I was praying for you the other day and was overwhelmed to the point of tears at His zealous joy and jealousy over you. He revealed to me His passion for you and it is big."

Then I started to tear up. I know Sunday School teachers tell kids that all the time, but at some point, I guess with age and bills, that fantasy begins to fade. It becomes diluted and categorized into a fairytale because, let's be honest, it seems childish.

But I believed her. And I believe Him, wholeheartedly. She went on to say that the desire of my heart for a relationship and a husband was there because He put it there. It is purposed. And when He fulfills it, in His timing, praise and honor and glory will all be for the Lord, because He is faithful. He works all things together for good: that means singleness is good for something, just like every other stage or season of life.

I was in a wedding this last weekend. It's becoming somewhat of a hobby. A really expensive hobby.

It was my first military wedding. A friend that I met at Compassion International married an incredible man that graduated from the Air Force Academy a few years ago. It was perhaps the most beautiful, exquisite, elegant, and timeless wedding I have ever been too. "Stylish, yet classic. Lavish, but tasteful. Cheap, but expensive." (from the movie Sabrina with Harrison Ford)

The best part of the three day event was the moment that the french doors opened at the end of the impossibly long aisle to reveal the bride. This part I will never forget.

As she walked slow and steady towards him, the groom was utterly fixated, completely focused on this beautiful woman, clothed in glowing white. His shaky smile was boyishly endearing, and the tears that trickled down his face simply illuminated his pure love for her. I will never forget that look because it is what I hope to walk toward in the future.

And there, on the alter, as I witnessed two people commit to love one another above all else, a subtle hope returned for my own story. A hope that I thought perhaps had evaporated with faulty rational and shady logic.

My roommate's testimony of how the Lord revealed to her His love for me is not the first I have heard. Several other friends I have, who's walk with God is something I aspire to, have told me on numerous occasions that the Lord has told them how much He loved me. How He adored me and how big His plans were for me.

So, while I wait for the next chapter, single or not, my primary prayer is that, in the same way He keeps telling everyone else, I want Him to tell me, in my ear, in my heart those same truths.

And He will... I just need to shut up and listen.

Over and out.

It's Everywhere: Love

2009-06-21T22:33:00.002-06:00

Love. It's all around me. People are talking about it, falling into it, stepping on it, and talking about it like it's the latest phenomenon since... Twitter.

Before you think that I am some sort of bitter, cynical, recently burned young professional who graduated without an engagement ring (an uncommon occurrence at my Alma Mater), I'm not. I'm just saying it seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life right now. And I'm OK with that.

I love "love" actually. I'm a HUGE fan. I'm fairly confident that if you met me in person and we could sit down and catch up over a cup of coffee, you would come to the conclusion that I was the biggest, sappiest most hopeless romantic you had ever met. And I would take it as a compliment.

So the fact that the subject of love has been somewhat saturating and all encompassing doesn't bother me in the slightest. It actually inspires all sorts of new thoughts, ideas, dreams, and truths that bring an extraordinary amount of joy and freedom.

Here's an example: I saw a romantic comedy this evening and, for all intents and purposes, it was the same as every other romantic comedy. I think most men would agree with me when I say that they are all the same: predictable, really cheesy, and completely unrealistic.

Whatever. I still like them.

In this particular movie, the main characters were in no way, shape, or form attracted to one another in the beginning. They loathed each other as a matter of fact. Long story short, the more time they spent together and began to see the root of why personality quirks and character flaws were what they were, an intense understanding, empathy and bonding formed. And of course, they fell in love and when unavoidable circumstances took the girl away from they guy, he did everything to find her, declare his love and sweep her off her feet.

Same song, second verse.

For whatever reason though, I discovered something new about myself that I was surprised by. I think that, in the middle of watching this ridiculous film, I came up with something I want to be able to say about/to the man that I marry... someday.

"I would rather be driven crazy because of you then be sane without you."

Ok, now for a bigger revelation that I feel like the Lord opened the eyes of my heart to see recently.

I'm willing to bet the most famous love story would be that of Romeo and Juliet. Written and rewritten countless times and in countless variations throughout generations. It is the one story that seems to be the foundation for most movie and novel plots if you really think about it. If ever there are two characters in love, there always seems to be an outside force trying to keep them apart.

Give it up to William Shakespear for leaving his mark on world literature. Romeo and Juliet is unparalleled. Love has never been made to feel more real or more jaded. What woman, or person for that matter, can read it and not be able to identify with a character? Who has never been at odds with their family? Who has never yearned and longed for such an unbridled, pure and passionate love? Call me crazy, but is there not something in every heart, every soul, that knows that there is a love, a relationship, and a communion with another soul that they were meant to partake in? Is there not something about the selfless and reckless abandon to love someone more than yourself that is so innately intoxicating it can not be stifled, despite our efforts?

I dare say there is.

In a moment of daydreaming, it dawned on me: I'm Juliet.

And my Romeo is God Himself.

From a different family; another world that collided with mine when he abdicated His throne for me. Ignoring the questions and silencing the lies, he has pursued me. He has sought me out among the scoffers, the pious religious elect, and those who's bloodlines would be far more worthy and right for such a calling; for such a union.

He saw me and loved me in that moment; at first sight. His untamed love and fervent pursuit of me has filled in me something I did not know was empty, thus creating a longing and desire only for that which He offers. Nothing else is needed nor is anything else desired. What He has freely and graciously showed me and bestowed upon me is unlike anything I have seen, felt, heard, or experienced in my years here; in a broken and despairing world where love has no standard of measure. It is simply an accessory.

But where there is such romance, there is war. War for my time, attention, affection, and life. The Enemy is at odds against me. He is jealous over me not because he loves me, but because he hates Romeo. And what Romeo seeks to save, the Enemy would seek to destroy.

I am unable to save myself. I am not strong enough or equipped to fend off the onslaught of lies that would tell me all the reasons that Romeo and I can not be. I have a hard time believing it myself some days. So the constant reminders of my downfalls, shortcomings, and lack of breeding takes it toll and I grow tired of trying to fight back.

It's really not even my battle.

But Romeo: the embodiment of strength, truth, love, and salvation, layed down his life in order to ransom mine. What I could not do, He did... for love. For a burning love of me.

And where the story would end in our realm, continues in His. Defeating death, conquering the grave, and overcoming those things that would keep me from him, I have now run away with him.

I escaped the lies; I was rescued from death. I was delivered from a loveless life.

I was saved.

And now, that love which first so captivated me and drew me in has flooded me completely and is teaching me, allowing me, to love the same way; to be fully alive. I never knew I wasn't living, I didn't know I had not experienced love and life until Him. Until Romeo redeemed me from the dark.

What your professors will never tell you is that Shakespear was the first to plagiarize.

Unbelievable

2009-06-10T10:03:00.001-06:00

This is an incredible fist hand account of the life that poverty dictates.
Read it.
Help us stop it.http://morgan-givetolive.blogspot.com/

Writer's Block

2009-06-06T21:35:00.003-06:00

I've had "writer's block" lately. Well obviously; I haven't written anything in a month. It seems to come in waves. I have a month of seeming intense inspiration and realization and then a month (or more) of what would seem to be no thought at all.

Ok, slight exageration.

I have thoughts. A lot actually. Lately, they just seem short and obscure, or sometimes so simple that to admit that I have only now just come to understand them would be embarrassing. And yet, not getting them "out"or processing them outside of my own head drives me crazy. So instead of writing, I have been talking to almost anyone who will listen to everything that I am thinking about. And I am exhausted.

And this week I realized why.

For starters, the most obvious reason for my exhaustion and resulting "writer's block" is that I have simply over-talked, over-thought, and over-analyzed every situation, circumstance, conversation, glance, and all other forms of verbal or physical communication. And I'm really good at it. I can break down just about anything. I disect nearly everything, trying to find the root, the purpose, the metaphor, the allusion, the meaning, the spiritual context of any encounter with a friend or a stragner, a thought that popped up out of nowhere, or emotional reaction that is uncharacteristic.

To be in a constant state of analysis and observation, from the inside out is neither productive, beneficial, or I dare say healthy. I don't think I am a mental case, though some may argue, but I do think that I need to learn to let go, relax, and just "roll with it." Why that is so against my natural state is beyond me because my parents and my brother are all this way. They are all strangers to worry, stress, or over exageration of thought, so it seems not to be genetic... it's just me. Thus, I am often a source of comic relief to them. We all have our roles I guess.

This week brought some much needed enlightenment though. During my quiet time one morning, I read out of Streams in the Desert, a personal favorite.

I implore you not to give into despair. I tis a dangerous temptation,
because our Advesary has refined it to the point that it is quite subtle.
Hopelessness constricts and withers the heart, rendering it unable to sense
God's blessings and grace. It also causes you to exagerate the adversitites of
life and make your burdens seem to heavy for you to bear. Yet God's plans for
you, and His ways of bringing about His plans, are infinitely
wise.
The italized part is what hit home for me. The more I talked about life in general, everydays happenings, questions, etc. the bigger they became, the more insurmountable they appeared to be, and the more out of control my life felt. And, to a certain degree, I did begin to despair. Because in my mind I felt like a failure. I couldn't answer every question. I expecially could not answer every question with a really deep and spiritually proufound Christian answer. I simply shrugged my shoulders. Then, suprisingly, my despair turned into a desperation for direction, truth, and wisdom that would pull me out of this apparent slump, this foreign land of "Uhh, I don't know."

"When will I have it all figured out? How much longer until I know everything so that I won't have to worry about not knowing anyting?"

To be desperate for the Lord is good, yes. But my desperation wasn't one of healthy hunger. It was a desperate plea for salvation and deliverance from what I have now discovered is simply the faith journey. And what I couldn't see then was and is the beauty of the mystery of a really really big God. The instrinsic and almost romantic way that the Lord keeps things hidden, covered, and tanalizing so that we continue after Him, yearn for Him, and wait on Him to do what He does best: be God. Be sovereign, be perfect, and most importantly be endlessly overflowing with grace and patience.
I called my dad in the midst of my inner turmoil. To know my dad is to know more about the Lord; to hear wisdom and to see sanctification. I always call him on matters of the spirit. His response didn't take effect until a few days later when I sat still long enough to ponder it as opposed to continuing the spiritual running/striving that had been wearing me out. He, in a simple yet eloquent way, reminded me that God is infinitely patient and infinitely merciful. There is nothing that we can do to earn His love or be granted His forgiveness. It just is. It is lavished upon us and to not accept it ( the way I discovered I wasn't) opens wide the door for the enemy and his firey arrows. To essentially say "Hey God, thanks for the offer, but it's just too easy, I'm gonna go ahead and decline and then try to make up for it on my own," is well... real stupid.
Needless to say, I am paying more attention to resting; sitting still and letting Him do what He wants. Because here's the thing: He only wants what is best for us and what is best for us is what will bring glory and honor to Him. It is all about Him, always. What we do, who we are, where we go is always and only about and for the praise and worship of Christ. That is what is best for us because it is for that very thing for which we were created.
What I am finding is it will be a natural outflow of myself, my mind, my spirit, my thoughts, my desires, and my heart if I will simply stop trying to make it happen. In my attempt to produce in my own strenght, I actually negate it. Ooops.
So hands off, Mere. The course has already been set. Open wide your eyes, let go of the reigns and enjoy the ride.

Funky Fresh

2009-05-07T22:40:00.002-06:00

The last two weeks of my life have felt more like two months... maybe years if I really want to be dramatic. Yeah. Let's go with years. That last two weeks have pretty much lasted FOREVER.
There we go. Moving on.
"Why has it felt so long?"
Funny you should ask... Reader.
The last two weeks have been somewhat of a spiritual "funk" for me. Not necessarily bad... just not great. Still. Quiet. A little awkward honestly.
For starters, after moving into a new apartment (shout out to the folks for lending a LARGE helping hand) I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I don't know what it is about moving, transition, change, etc. that is so hard on me. I hate it. I hate going from comfortable routine, predictability, and familiarity to ... not those things. I hate quickly and suddenly losing those things because I am forced realize that I crafted a small but very secure identity in those things. To lose them is to lose myself. I don't like starting over from scratch. What then am I left with? I don't like uprooting. To dig another set of roots takes time and well… I’m busy. Perhaps more truthfully, I make myself busy because I inwardly know that where my time, energy and focus goes is not where it should.
Change just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel natural. It's not fun.
Exhaustion for me typically turns into an “entire being” issue. Here’s what I mean. When I don’t get enough rest physically, I lose my ability to concentrate well. I lose focus easily, which then creates stress because I become overwhelming aware of my “offness” and I am just sure that everyone around me is appalled at my humanity. Then the water-works start. While I may be an emotional person, very rarely do I express it through tears. Some doubt my tear ducts even work. My mother has in fact made the statement (semi-seriously) that she thinks I’m heartless because she hasn’t seen me cry in ….*counting in my head*… a long time.
Needless to say, a few consecutive nights with little sleep typically ends in a meltdown and a blubbering call to Mom asking her to fly me home.
I didn’t quite round all the bases of this routine, but I did make it far enough to compromise my time with the Lord; I did get tired and distracted enough that I let me guard down just long enough to vulnerable.
Enter Beelzebub.
Like clock work, I began to question everything from my performance at work to the solidity of my closest friendships; from my ability to do any job anywhere (because I was sure I would get fired) to ever really knowing where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing with my life, ever.
Same song, second verse. Been here, gone through this a time or twelve. And yet, it caught me by total surprise and had me completely unraveled. I couldn’t believe I was back here, dealing with, fighting off, and thinking twice about the unoriginal lies that I had heard more times than I’d like to count.
Sunday morning rolled around and I fled to church. I wanted to be nowhere else. I wanted nothing other than sanctuary.
It was the refreshing and renewal I needed. Worship was poignant, saturating my parched spirit; the message was simultaneously comforting and challenging. Then, in the midst of the moment, I felt an urge of holiness. “Lord, please reveal to me my sin; show me what it is that it holding me back from pressing forward into you. Break my heart. Strip me and make it clear what the hindrances are that are blocking my path to you.
Haha… oops.
Sure enough, He heard. Then He answered. Awesome.
Turns out I’m more screwed up then I had anticipated. And instead of immediately being relieved that He answered my prayer so quickly and clearly, I become almost instantly discouraged and horribly flooded with guilt.
“Good night nurse! All of that Lord? All those things? That big, fat, massive, list…? Those are my sins? Those are the things that are setting up road blocks to you? Need I remind you of my delicate emotional state? I was irrational when I asked you to reveal my sin. You should have known that this would be more than I can handle. I mean honestly.”
Instead of divine sympathy, He gave me a verse. Again, not really what I wanted, but given my desperation I looked it up.
2 Corinthians 7:10 “Godly grief brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret…”
Huh. That’s a good one. I feel pretty grieved at the moment… and yeah, turns out I do want to repent. I would like to repent and be reintroduced with fresh eyes to the truth and power of the free gift of your salvation. And while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and leave my large load of guilt by the curb. Yeah, good call God.
As I read and reread the verse, stunned that I really heard from the Lord so directly, I discovered something that caused me to pause.
“Godly grief.” M’what? Sorry, but when is grief a “Godly” attribute. Why would God grieve? You lost me.
Then, in the same way as before, as if He were sitting right in front of me predicting my next question like a chess player predicts his opponents next move, He said “Isaiah 53.”
*flip flip flip*
Isaiah 54:3- “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief… 4Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows…”
Oh yeah. You were fully human once. You were tempted. Probably a little more so than I will ever be, so I take it you know how it feels. You were separated from your Heavenly Father but were still in perfect communion with Him…so yeah, you probably had moments/days that you felt a little off. And then, the big one, you lived as a man in a fallen world. A really imperfect, messy, overwhelmingly sinful world in which you were the only one of your kind; hardly conducive for being able to relate to anyone else. You were alone.
Can’t say that I’ve been there.
And then, the truth of His Word began to sink in; He has walked where I am barely crawling. He has faced and defeated the same lies, deceit, and fears that have clouded my vision. He does know how I feel, what I’m thinking, and just how tumultuous my emotions are. He is Himself an emotional God. How then could we not be emotional? Reactive? Impacted by our circumstances and surroundings.
I loved how an author put it recently. In Genesis we are told that God created man in “His own image.” Basic, 1st grade Sunday school material. Not earth shattering by any stretch of the imagination. But it dawned on me that God’s image is not a mere reflection of His outer appearance. He is a spiritual and emotional being; filled with love, joy, peace, patience, etc. Those attributes and characteristics are hardly tangible things. Rather they are instilled; intrinsically and purposely planted in our souls that we use them for His glory.
My emotional outpourings are reflections of the Lord in and of themselves. When I am hurt, He hurts. In the same way, as a believer, when I see or hear something that mocks my God, I am burdened because it burdens His heart.
What an extraordinary and intimate relationship! What a phenomenal way that He would reveal more of Himself. What an incredibly close way to draw us nearer to Himself, than to allow us the privilege to feel the feelings of His heart.
So I came to the conclusion that, whatever my emotional reaction to the moment, person, etc., it creates an opportunity for me to draw closer to the heart of God. To see Him more clearly, to know Him more dearly, and to follow Him more nearly.
And it might be a little overwhelming, but that only opens the door then for Him to overwhelm me with more of Himself.

I LOVE My Job

2009-04-27T12:55:00.002-06:00

So... we've sent Christian music artist and Compassion spokesman Shaun Groves to India with some other well liked bloggers to send us back stories, testimonies and to share their personal experiences of how Compassion is moving and shaking in the lives of our kids there.

Check this out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbERbDFer1s&feature=player_embedded

Only the Lonely

2009-04-09T07:38:00.001-06:00

The word “lonely” has an unavoidably negative connotation. No one wants to be lonely. But the irony is this: you don’t actually have to be by yourself to be lonely. You can be at a packed baseball stadium, a high school prom, or even board meeting and feel utterly alone. On the flip side, you can be by yourself and feel totally at peace, with no desire to be accompanied by even one other person. I think I lead a life that is equally balanced in both scenarios. I don’t know if that is good or bad, I just know that I experience both feelings in a fairly proportionate ratio.

I bring the subject of loneliness up for three reasons: (1) I was really lonely last week, so it’s on my mind, (2) I think that loneliness is a way in which we come to identify with Christ and (3) I think loneliness has been around longer than anyone realizes and thus is not a negative thing, but rather a natural outflow of something divinely instilled.

Why would loneliness be a way in which we come identify with Christ? Doesn’t that imply that God is lonely? Well… yes and no. I don’t think God was lonely and so decided to create us, humans, for fellowship. That would, in fact, imply that He is not wholly and completely perfect, without need, desire, etc. in and of Himself.

I think we come to identify with Christ in our loneliness because when He came to earth, He took on humanity in all its’ depravity and yet maintained His total divinity.

I would imagine that being God and simultaneously being man, would be a lonely state of mind and heart. How do you connect with someone else? How would you manage being in perfect communion with God, while concurrently being completely removed from unity with Him in literal presence? No one could understand. No one could relate, sympathize, or offer consolation. How could they? Doesn’t that illustrate loneliness?

Webster defines loneliness as “destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship; standing apart; isolated.”

“Destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship.” Nailed it. Not how the church likes to paint Jesus’ stint on earth, but I think it might encapsulate it perfectly. No one on earth, could really, truly, or literally say that they could share in His sorrow or affliction.

To me, that is the worst feeling.

I hate it when you tell someone about something that you are going through or experiencing and they say “I understand” when they really can’t.

“No you don’t,” I think defensively. “Have you literally walked in my shoes this past week? Have you actually had the same, identical pain in your heart and burden on your spirit that I have carried? Then you don’t understand.” That to me is loneliness. When you are utterly alone in your experience or understanding of a situation or circumstance; when no one has walked beside you through the slush and slime of a distinctly crappy season in your life’s journey.

That’s a lonely place. That’s where I was last week. And that’s where I think we identify with Christ. When no one can honestly say they have “been there, done that.” No one but Jesus. And that is enough. At least, it should be enough to offer us complete consolation. It needs to be enough because I have a feeling there will come a time when that is all the only offering of comfort we may have for a time; Jesus saying “I know.”

Come to find out, I wasn’t alone at all. In totally desperation, I took a step into a sea of vulnerability, told someone exactly what was going on and instead of saying “I understand; I know just how you feel,” she sat there quietly for a moment and recounted her personal testimony of an eerily similar time in her own life.

Did not see that coming. And suddenly the loneliness lifted.

I have been reading Donald Miller’s “Searching for God Knows What” and this subject of loneliness was given its’ own entire chapter. In it, Miller noted that loneliness was not necessarily an outcome, or consequence of the fall. Before sin, man lived in perfect relation with God. And yet (this is my favorite part) “there was no suitable helper for Adam” (Genesis 2:20b). Let’s break it down.

Adam, created perfectly in God and for God, was placed in a perfect setting, daily walking with and communing with God. And what? God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

So even when we are in a right standing relationship with Christ, even when we are walking with Him, talking with Him, even then, we can be discontented, we can feel …without. Adam was lonely. Go figure.

I can’t begin to tell you just how much encouragement and comfort this brought me. I often mistake my feelings of loneliness for a lack of faith; a gap in my walk with the Lord. This then, creates in me a nearly frantic feeling of having (as opposed to wanting) to spend more time with Him in my quiet time. But the catch is that my quiet time is then no longer about Him, but about me, and filling my need for companionship.

So this realization that no matter at what level our relationship with Christ stands, the feeling on spiritual yearning, physical longing, and emotional want for someone is addition to Him… that, that is normative. It’s not a reflection is something we’re not doing right or haven’t done enough of. It’s there now because it was there in the beginning.

My hope is this: the way in which God satisfied Adam’s longing, so He will also satisfy mine.

I only hope He doesn’t make me do something as time consuming as naming all the animals to buy time. My biological clock is ticking.

Epiphany

2009-04-02T12:46:00.003-06:00

I had a revelation this morning. Due to a freak blizzard last night, the office was delayed in opening until 10am. I didn't get that information until after I had gotten up at 5:15 and just about walked out the door at 6. I was hoping to get the office early to log in some extra hours that I lost last week when another blizzard had closed our doors.

Going back to bed wasn't an option; I had already downed about four cups of coffee. So I grabbed my computer and went to Panera for some free internet... and more coffee.

As I sat in Panera, with about 20 gentlemen who kept looking at me like I was some sort of alien, I grew increasingly irritated. "All I want to be doing right now is working 'on the clock' and making up for the hours that Mother Nature selfishly stole from me last week. My next pay check is going to be so small. This is rediculous. I have things to do, meetings to go to, emails to return, and reports to edit."

As I sat thinking about how out of control I felt over my life and how it may just being unraveling before my eyes and slipping through my fingers (dramatization is a actually fairly accurate portrayel of my feelings.... which is so sad) I felt God gently whisper, "This is just where I want you."

Pardon?

"You are in fact not in control of your life. I ordain where you go, how you get there, and what you do. What may seem to be unfortunate weather patterns that prevent you from 'clocking in' are in fact my ways of keeping your dependent and focused on me, not your pay check."

*blank stare*

Then it dawned on me; I'm just like my dad. "Daddy" has to hold the remote control, even if he doesn't change the channel. I don't know what it is about having it in his hand that makes the whole experience of watching TV that much better... but it is a non-negotiable. He has to hold it.

I'm just like my dad, only I my "remote control" is my planner, my calender, my time, and my bank account. It was a sobering realization at 6:30 in the morning. I didn't want to think about just how small my faith was and how much I don't act like I trust in His provision when I say that I do.

Just one more thing to work on. One more thing to overcome. One more way in which I realized don't look like Jesus. And all I want to do is look like Jesus.

So I'm frusterated about that. And yet, I feel as if I have reason to rejoice. Because what if I never realized that fault? What if my eyes were never open to those things which are hinderances to the progression of my faith? I would never look like Jesus. I would never become more like Him, the way that He has called me to.

So I'm ok with this restlessness; I'm ok with being unsettled about those things that I need to work on because at the end of the day, I think that's the Spirit stirring up in me what He desires and stifling what it is that I desire.

John 3:30 says that "He must increase and I must decrease."

Easier said than done. I want it anyway.

By Your Side

2009-03-24T07:59:00.004-06:00

Here are some lyrics to a new song that is rocking my soul right now... By Tenth Avenue North.

Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face, Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? To where will you go child? Tell me where will you run, To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side, Wherever you fallIn the dead of night, Whenever you call, And please don't fight These hands that are holding you, My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side, They swallowed the grave on that night, When I drank the world's sin So I could carry you in, And give you lifeI want to give you life

And I'll be by your side, Wherever you fall In the dead of night, Whenever you call, And please don't fight These hands that are holding you, My hands are holding you.

Cause I, I love youI want you to knowThat I, I love youI'll never let you go.

And I'll be by your side, Wherever you fall. In the dead of night, Whenever you call. And please don't fight These hands that are holding youMy hands are holding you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

Something I am Pondering...

2009-03-19T10:38:00.002-06:00

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." I don't know who said it.
But I like it. A lot.
And I pretty sure I agree whole heartedly. Because if someone is holistically satisfied in Christ, doesn't that mean that they are wholly and completely consumed with Him? Wouldn't that mean that they are totally abandoned to Him and prepared to be radically obedient to His call and His will, no matter what it is? I think so... but that's just me.
I think that to be satisfied in God, we must be content to be unsatisfied with everything else; there is nothing else, here on earth or in this life, that stirs our affections for Christ and to Christ like Christ Himself.
He is a jealous for us. What an odd picture of a Holy God. He is jealous for me, my time, my thoughts, my desires, etc. He wants all of me, all the time. The Creator of the universe... is jealous over me?
Thinking of Him in that way, in that light, makes dim every other offering presented to me on a daily basis. The internet is not jealous for my time, yet in it consumes most of it. Few of my friends would say that they are in fact jealous for my attention and conversation, yet I freely give it to them.
Imagine then, the satisfaction that awaits our souls if we give to God of ourselves the way in which he craves. Could it be that if we were to transfer our attentions from those things which do not satisfy to Him who does, we would finally find what it is that we are all so desperately seeking?
And if in fact we simply did this and found true and complete satisfaction at its' source, I would then venture to say that our praise and glory of God might be that much more genuine, in spirit and truth.
At the end of the day, is that not our total purpose? To worship, praise and glorify our savior? Whether in word or deed? Are we not simply asked to love Him with all that we are?
So it comes full ciricle: Find satisfaction in Him, glorify him more completely, find continued satisfaction, continue to glorify Him.
And no part of the cycle is of our own doing or in our own power. We do it because He has freely bestowed the grace on us which makes our unworthy pursuit possible. And we can only continue to pursue by the strength that He supplies, so as to continue to give us reason and evidence to praise Him for His grace and provision. Round and round we go.

For Global Food Crisis Day

2009-03-11T09:18:00.001-06:00

I work for an organization that specializes in releasing children from poverty, so this subject is not only personal but familiar. But just because poverty’s impact is constantly on my radar, doesn’t mean I understand it anymore than the next person or that I (or anyone I work with) have figured out how to “fix it.” There are some days, in all honesty, that the more I know and learn about this epidemic, the more insurmountable it feels.

In searching for a new understanding and vantage point on the subject, a thought came to mind that may be a little unconventional. By this I simply mean that, more often than not, it feels as though the Church is looking for the list of things to do as opposed to understanding what it is that we are supposed to be. In Romans 7, Paul says that we are released from the law and are now under grace. The Law is representative of all the things we used to do when we were captive to earning salvation. But grace released us, prisoners to the law, from the bondage of earning redemption; grace lavished salvation over our souls at no cost; outside of anything we have done, beyond what we would ever be capable of doing.

In chapter 8, Paul writes it this way: “For the law of the Spirit of Life (grace) has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” Again, the “law of sin and death” are those laws which, while the Lord gave us as standards, the church (in my opinion) has made ultimate; and they are no longer standards and guidelines for living or being, but are rather absolutes for doing.

Why the emphasis on doing versus being? I’ll tell you. I think that the misunderstanding and mingling of the two is, at the core, the problem that birthed poverty.

To “do” or the act of “doing” according to Webster means to “perform, execute, or accomplish.” According to our very action-oriented, output-obsessed society, these are all good and praiseworthy things. The equation seems to be busyness = productivity = holiness. But won’t the well run dry at some point? If you are only ever and always doing this and that, at what point and where do you renew your source of energy, passion, vision, direction, etc.? When do you stop to remind yourself the reason behind all the doing? Because if you are anything like me…the reason behind much of what I have done in the past morphs into a less-than-noble form of habit.

On the other hand, to “be” or the act of “being” means “to exist or live; to belong.” Call me crazy, but that sounds a heck of a whole lot more appealing than “doing.” To “exist” is something that happens outside of your own ability or will. If you exist, it is because Someone created you to exist at this appointed time and in the appointed place where you while you read this. In other words, it is outside of your control; you had nothing to do with it.

A few of my favorite verses have to do with this very subject. For example Philippians 1:6 says that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ.” So not only is God doing the “doing” but is in fact a continual process. Our role: to simply be. Be available. Be obedient. Just be.

The other verse that relates to this is found in 1 Thessalonians 5. After giving a list (Remember, I didn’t say that we weren’t give a list of to-do’s, I just said that they are not ultimate; they are not bigger/better/more important than our relationship with the Lord) in verse 16-18—“rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all circumstances”—Paul then says in verse 24 “He who calls you is faithful and He will surely do it.” So again, God does the “doing” and we are called to “be.”

So here’s my take. If we, believers, seek the Lord wholly and completely, above anything and everything else, would not the natural outflow of our hearts, minds, bodies, money, time, etc. be spent on and given to those things, people, places for which the Lord is absent? If we were so utterly consumed, from the inside out, with the Word and the Holy Spirit, would not our sole desire be to be Christ to those who do not know Him? Would not we feel totally compelled to share Him in the way we live, as testimonies, in the darkest places?

I think we would. But being pre-occupied with “doing” these things, instead of letting them naturally pour out of us, takes the divinity and sovereign control out of the hands and responsibility of God. In other words, I wonder if, in our “holy intention” we don’t steal from the Lord what is rightfully His (i.e. our complete surrender and total obedience) and make it look like what we think it ought to look like. And in doing so, we actually accomplish less. We get overwhelmed. We get confused. We run out of resources. We run out of time. We run out of ideas. We run out of strength to press on because our strength is never enough. In relying on ourselves, we find our attempts unfruitful, broken, and ultimately, we find that they fail.

So let’s connect the dots then to poverty.

If we, as a body of believers, stopped striving in our own ability and strength to be the hero of different situations and circumstances, and instead simply allow Christ, dwelling within us, to do what He wants through us by our simple obedience…how much more might He be capable of doing by our being?

If we are to look like Jesus in our living and being, then shouldn’t we compare ourselves to Him? Fine, let’s start with the obvious. When was the last time you fed someone on the street?

Jesus fed 5,000.

I don’t look like Him. Do you?

Beautiful Dream

2009-03-05T11:24:00.002-07:00

Do you ever wake up knowing that you dreamt about something, or even several things, in an intense and vivid alternate-reality, but for some unknown and unexplainable reason, you can’t actually remember it enough to explain to anyone?

Please tell me I’m not alone.

…………………………….

Well, I had a dream like that last night and I can only remember a small fragment of it. But it was the most amazing thing. The magnitude of it, the incredible picture that it painted for me, didn’t come to light until mid-morning when I was sitting at my desk.

I wish I could remember how it started or what led up to this, the only part that I remember, but I guess I’ll just have to start with what I know.

It was dark. Pitch black. And I was alone. Running. I don’t know if I was running from something or just running in order to more quickly discover where exactly I was.

Then, suddenly, still in the dark, I literally ran into the arms of a man. Bigger, taller, stronger. He completely encapsulated me. And it wasn’t an abrupt run-in either. It was as if he saw me coming, opened up his arms, and gave in with his body to ease the blow.

It was so real I could feel it. I could feel him standing against me, holding me up. I could feel his arms firmly and gently wrapped around my waist. I felt his breath on the nape of my neck as he rested his cheek against mine.

When I opened my eyes, I was no longer in the dark. It was bright out.

And we were dancing.

I wish I knew how to properly express just how many ways this registers with me on a deep and unbelievably personal level. It hits home emotionally, physically, but primarily spiritually.

Maybe I’ll expand upon it later… but for now, I want to keep it just for me. It’s somewhat of a treasure today and a hope for tomorrow.

Contentment

2009-01-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance.” Philippians 4:11

Paul, while being denied every comfort, wrote the above statement from a dark prison cell.
A story is told of a king who went to his garden one morning, only to find everything withered and dying. He asked the oak tree that stood near the gate what the trouble was. The oak said it was tired of life and determined to die because it was tall and beautiful like the pine tree. The pine was troubled because it could not bear grapes like the grapevine. The grapevine was determined to throw away its life because it could not stand erect and produce fruit as large as peaches. The geranium was fretting because it was not tall and fragrant like the lilac.
And so it went throughout the garden. Yet coming to a violet, the king found its face as bright and happy as ever and said, “Well violet, I’m glad to find one brave little flower in the midst of this discouragement. You don’t seem to be the least disheartened.”
The violet replied, “No, I’m not. I know I’m small, yet I thought if you wanted an oak or pine, you would have planted one. Since I knew you wanted a violet, I’m determined to be the best little violet I can be.”

Others may do a greater work,
But you have your part to do;
And no one in call God’s family,
Can do it as well as you.

People who are God’s without reservation “have learned to be content whatever the circumstance.” His will becomes their will, and they desire to do for Him whatever He desires them to do. They strip themselves of everything, and in their nakedness find everything restored a hundred fold.

Now I know what you are thinking, “Does this girl write any of her own material?” Yes, I do. But more often than not, what I write about is inspired by something else I have read. Thus, I feel obligated to share with you what stirred me to write the things that I do. That being said…
I have a love-hate relationship with “contentment.” I love the idea. I aspire to be content in almost all areas of my life. I want to be content in my place at work, where I live, my relationships, and who I am. I’m not like everyone else. In fact, like the story, I am like no one else at all. But often times, I like oak and pine tree, wish to be another version of a Compassion employee, a female, a friend, or to have another talent of gift set. Like the grapevine, I sometimes wished I produced a different kind of fruit.
You know the saying “Jack of all trades and master of none”? I think I personify that pretty well. There are days when I find it encouraging. Sometimes I like the idea that I can do many things fairly well; I’m diversified, malleable, and equally as excited about this thing as that thing. However, the older I get and the more I find myself in the world of adulthood and business, I wish that I were brilliant in a very specific, useful, and extraordinary way. I wish that I was talented or gifted in such a way that made me renowned, important, respected, and sought after. I understand that this perhaps is not the most holy or humble desire. I’m not proud to admit it either…I’m just saying.
Granted, I am still young. Perhaps the Lord is developing something in me now that will result in me being used in a big way in the future. Is it just me? Does not everyone want to be a hero in at least one chapter in their life? Does not everyone wish to be the person that has the right answer at just the right time? Not necessarily for personal glory, medals of honor, or 15 minutes on Fox News, but rather for a more tangible confirmation of their intrinsic value. God tells us over and over of our worth; of our inherent significance simply because He made us. We are priceless and purposed simply because we were born by His grace. While this is truth, I still, in my flesh, want to taste it.
It is this discontentment within me that I am disgusted by and I’ll tell you why. It is entirely possible that I will never be known by the masses for anything that I have ever said or accomplished. It is likely that the only people I may impact will not remember my name. My mailman knows my name but not my heart. My co-workers know my principle responsibilities while I’m at the office but they don’t know who or what I am beyond our building walls. If I don’t get married, no one may ever know my thoughts or suspect my fears by simply looking into my eyes or holding my hand. I may, just maybe, leave this earth completely undiscovered.

More tragic than that is this: being so self-involved in my own popularity, being so consumed with my future glory; being so nearsighted that I miss even the smallest opportunity to love my neighbor, to serve the stranger on the corner of the street, to simply sit in the stillness and majesty of a mountain range and realize how little I really am. I fear that my selfish discontentment with whatever my current circumstance, will blind my eyes and distract my heart to the beauty, freedom, and joy of living beyond myself.

This leads, ultimately, to the kind of discontentment that I want to bear; the kind of discontentment that I pray for. I never want to be content in my current spiritual standing. I don’t want to fall prey to the allusion that I have figured it all out, that I have nothing more to learn, and that I can coast into heaven on my accrued spirituality. I pray that I never grow so comfortable, so complacent in my walk, that I simply stop seeking to grow and realize the Lord in a new way. I pray the same for you dear reader.

From "Streams in the Desert"

2008-12-19T08:36:00.005-07:00

I would LOVE to say that I wrote this, for I have in fact had these very thoughts. However, someone beat me to the keyboard, and penned them first. It is my heart all the same.

“This will result in your being a witness to them.” Luke 21:13

Life is a steep climb, and it is always encouraging to have those ahead of us “call back” and cheerfully summon us to higher ground. We call climb together, so we should help one another. The mountain climbing of life is serious, but glorious business; it takes strength and steadiness to reach the summit. And as our view becomes better as we gain altitude, and as we discover things of importance, we should “call back” our encouragement to others.

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back—
It will cheer your heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perhaps, Faith’s light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest’s roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the lofty air was still.

O friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet sprint in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you’ll say He hears you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you’ll say He saw you through the night’s sin-darkened sky—
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back—
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

I have gone back and forth on the argument that we were "created for fellowship." I am highly skeptical that the God of the Universe, who is perfect in and of Himself, got lonely one day and said "I'll create humans to keep my company." However, once He saw that Adam was insufficient by himself, it is clear to see that Gos did create another, woman, for fellowship.

I have never been one to enjoy solitude. I don't like being by myself. It's quiet. Still. And often, disconcerting. (It is only disconcerting at night because.... I am still afraid of the dark.) I have found that it can often feel the same in some places and seasons of our spiritual journey.

It has been in the valleys, those desert trudges, that the only solace and comfort I found often lay in the testimony of another who had walked where I then sat. If it were not for fellowship in those times of intense and almost paralyzing loneliness; if it were not for the insight and perspective of someone who had forged the same trail and come out on the other side alive, my doubt, my fear, guilt and shame, I believe, might have overtaken me. In the same way that weary wanderers see mirages and hallucinate in the desert, I took began to see false images and believe the lies of the enemy.

But praise the LORD! I was never alone. In fact, I was surrounded by friends and even family that had seen such darkness; experienced such seasons. But it is only because of this that comfort and encouragement could be had: Confession. It is only when, in desperate humility, one allows their prideful walls to fall and exposes their weakness that strengthening can come.

Ironic, isn't it. It is a beautiful mystery that absolutely captivates me. I wonder what the Church could be, what the Bride of Christ would look like, if we simply let our hair down and openly admitted to our stuggles. I have a feeling that a radiant beauty would emerge that would penetrate every heart and every mind, unbeliever and saved alike. Because at the end of the day, if the unbeliever doesn't confess and the believer doesn't confess... what difference can we possibly make?

Matt Chandler, the head pastor at the Village Church in Dallas, says it this way: "It's ok to not be ok." The first time I heard that, I felt as though he were speaking to me (via podcast). I felt a freedom, liberation, and peace that I had not known before that time.

The second part of that statement says this: "But it's not ok to stay there." We won't stay there, if we know that someone else overcame.

So if you're ok. Great.
If you're not ok. Great.
Whichever you are, keep walking forward, but call back.

TOMS Shoes Video

2008-12-12T12:39:00.002-07:00

Hey Y'all!
I don't know how many of you have heard about TOMS Shoes, but it is an awesome organization. Below is a link to their website where you can learn more about what they do and how they do it. Most of all, I want you to watch the video that will appear on your screen when click the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqrFG7xrE1I&eurl=http://www.tomsshoes.com/shoes.aspx&feature=player_embedded

To love...or not to love.

2008-12-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, all my friends keep getting engaged. And married. No babies on the way that I know of… yet. While I am genuinely happy and excited for them, I can’t help but be slightly overwhelmed by the whole idea. Marriage, last time I checked, was a life-long commitment and thus a fairly LARGE decision that promises to change your life forever, for better or for worse. There are aspects of it that sound appealing, but to be perfectly honest, it scares the living day-lights out of me.

I don’t know if it stems from a fear of commitment or a fear of being hurt. Perhaps a combination of the two. But it’s the latter that really gets my panties in a wad.

You know the saying “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”? I don’t know that I agree with that. I am fully aware that this makes me sound a bit bitter and cynical, but I am truly trying to come from strictly “romantical” sense of the phrase. (I am also fully aware that romantical is not a word… I don’t care.)

Is it better to have loved someone so whole-heartedly and lose them, than to remain fully intact? Have you ever seen or spoken to someone after a break-up? They are devastated. They render themselves ruined. They lose appetites. They lose interest. They lose focus. They lose themselves.

They are wounded, defensive, and often times embittered. They become hard. They become calloused. Or, they become desperate. And they run to anything and anyone for attention and the shallow allusion of love.

I understand that, to a certain degree, this is a stereotype. So, let’s say that the previously described, hypothetical person does not exist. Let’s assume there is another person having experienced the same loss.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity and misery, they look at each relationship as a “learning experience.” They take from each person lessons that they learned and were able to grow from. Each person with whom they shared themselves and conversely took from, they used as an opportunity for development, knowledge, and understanding.

Does that sound romantic? It is a more tolerable and less emotionally taxing way to deal with the losses, to be sure. But, how long will that last? How long can one say to themselves “Our time spent together was productive in that I now am/can/have ______.”

How long can you share such experiences, such moments in your life with so many people before you realize… you would have preferred the consistency, comradery, fellowship and faithfulness of just one?

Do you not leave a part of yourself behind with each person? Do you not have less uncharted territory of your soul to offer? Is there less of you that has not been seen and shared with someone than not? Is it crazy of me to want to reserve, hide, and protect places of my heart and crevices of my soul for only one person? Because when push comes to shove and someone up and walks away, taking the intangible pieces of your heart with them… what do you do? How to respond?

Do those elements of your being that you so freely gave away grow back? Or is it that they never left but are simply bruised, losing the radiance of their former untapped glory?

On a highly personal note, I don’t think that I, Meredith, have the gumption for such transitions because of my innate and unrelenting attachment that subconsciously and viciously develops over a short period of time. I am someone who, through no understanding of my own, has the ability to grow emotionally and sentimentally attached to strangers, much more my friends or a man that I may be interested in.

And this is something that is very hard to deal with. Something that complicates, for me internally, the whole idea of relationships is my seemingly uncontrollable attachment. It is one thing to be unaware of your weakness until after the fact, but it is entirely different to be SO aware of it, knowing that it is inevitable. This foreknowledge creates fear and trepidation.

I know that, in an earlier post, I committed to ignoring such fears and taking the dive because it would be worth it. Turns out, that’s easier said than done.

I’d love some opinions on the matter. I would love to be proved wrong.

5 Favorite Things

2008-12-05T11:09:00.003-07:00

Alright, I have been tagged by my lovely cousin Katrina (lovingly called "Trina") to list my five favotite things. For your reading pleasure:
1. Jesus- not a "thing" but my Savior and my only true satisfaction on this earth.
2. My friends and family- fellowship with them is my favorite way to spend my time
3. Cooking.. and then eating what I cook
4. Music
5. Coffee
6. Pedicures
7. Movies
8. Nature
9. Working out
10. Bubble baths with candles, Michael Buble in the background, and a good book.

I am fully aware that this is more than 5 things. But here's the thing: I have more than just five favorite things and this is MY blog and I can write whatever I want. I can break the rules on MY blog because on MY blog there are no rules. Yeah... so there.

From "Streams in the Desert"

2008-12-04T07:33:00.002-07:00

He went up on a mountainside by Himself. ~Matthew 14:23

One of the blessings of the old-time Sabbath day was the calmness, restfulness, and holy peace that came from having a time of quiet solitude away from the world. There is a special strength that is born in solitude. Crows travel in flocks, and wolves travel in packs, but the lion and the eagle are usually found alone.

Strength is found not in busyness and noise but in quietness. For a lake to reflect the heavens on its surface, it must be calm. Our Lord loved the people who flocked to Him, but there are numerous accounts in Scripture of His going away from them for a brief period of time. On occasion He would withdraw from the crowd and quite often would spend His evenings alone in the hills. Most of His ministry was performed in the towns and cities by the seashore, but He loved the hills more and at night-fall would frequently seclude Himself in their peaceful heights.

The one thing we need today more than anything else is to spend time alone with our Lord, sitting at His feet in the sacred privacy of His blessed presence. Oh, how we need to reclaim the lost art of meditation. Oh how we need "the secret place as part of our lifestyle!" Oh, how we need that power that comes from waiting upon God!

It is good to live in the valley sweet,
Where the work of the world is done;
Where the reapers sing in the fields of wheat,
And work till the setting sun.
But beyond the meadows, the hills I see
Where the noises of traffic cease,
And I follow a Voice who calls out to me
From the hilltop regions of peace.
Yes, to live is sweet in the valley fair,
And work till the setting sun;
But my spirit yearns for the hilltop air
When the days its' work are done.
For a presence breaths o'er the silent hills
And its sweetness is living yet;
The same deep calm all the hillside fills
As breathed Olivet.

Every life that desires to be strong must have its "Most Holy Place" into which only God enters.
~Ex. 26:33

A Convicting Challenge

2008-12-01T08:56:00.002-07:00

Due to my impressive lack of blogging/technological know-how... you will need to copy and paste the link in order to watch the video that I would have liked to have posted directly into the blog. Anyone who knows how to do such things, should leave me a comment with easy to follow instructions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU&eurl=http://www.owlhaven.net/2008/11/29/sunday-the-advent-conspiracy/&feature=player_embedded

Peaks & Valleys

2008-11-17T14:29:00.002-07:00

We have all had them. Mountain-top moments. Times and seasons in your spiritual journey that are drunk with the presence of God. The Word is alive, beating, breathing, and bleeding the power, love, and truth of the gospel over your soul. Your life’s meaning becomes crystal clear.

Colors are brighter; fragrances more potent and alluring, nature is suddenly singing “Holy! Holy! Holy!” Fellowship is sweet, encouraging, and fruitful. Relationships bloom with the beauty of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Everything; all aspects of your life are completely and utterly in perfect unity.

Then, out of nowhere, and for some unexplainable and unapparent reason… it all ends. Abrupt. Unwarranted.

Suddenly, sunrises are no longer welcomed. Silence is preferred over singing. Being alone is more comfortable than being in the company of friends. Joy seems a distant memory. And despite all your efforts; you can’t reason your way out of it.

At least, that is the way it happened to me.

Senior year of college is somewhat of a blur, for multiple reasons. For starters, it went by much too quickly. The fact that it is over is baffling to me. Secondly, fall semester and spring semester were spiritually polar-opposites.

Fall semester was the mountain-top experience I described earlier. Everyday was bright whether the sun was out or not. Every time I opened my Bible it was as if God transcended the heavens to come and sit next to me, translating every word into a language that spoke with passion and purity to my heart. The semester flew by, easily and with little or no stress. Only bliss. Only happiness. Only fun.

Then something happened over Christmas break. I literally woke up one morning and realized… I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Worse still, I didn’t know who I was. I had an identity crisis.

The entire spring semester, right up until graduation day, was a long, fierce battle for my sanity. I felt my faith deteriorate at the speed of light. Questions that I had never asked before suddenly drowned me. People I had criticized in the past for their lack of understanding, I suddenly identified with.

To say that I “struggled” merely scratches the surface. I was overwhelmed to a point of confusion and sorrow that I had only heard about. I was distraught and anguish burned within me… I felt completely alone. Deserted. Forgotten.

How could what I had and who I thought I was disappear? Had I tricked myself into believing I was someone that I had never been? How could I have grown so disillusioned with reality? How could I become so desensitized to my spiritual state of being?

Looking back at what, thus far, has been one of the most stretching experiences of my faith walk yet, I can not help but smile. Perspective will do that; because I can see now what I could not then.

The lessons I learned I don’t plan on forgetting.

Lesson One: Turning to others will not get you anywhere.
I am a highly relational person. Being able to confide in and identify with someone, on some level, it critical to me. It should not be a surprise to you then that during this season, I felt as if I could not talk to anyone. How could I? I didn’t know what was wrong; I couldn’t explain my own feelings because they seemed to have no source. Who in their right mind could relate?

Lesson Two: Sometimes God doesn’t speak.
This was the hardest lesson by far. I came to find that there are some things that He is able to teach us that don’t need words. This too went against all my natural inclinations. How was I able to stay close to a God that wasn’t responding to my prayers? How could I follow after a God that wouldn’t allow me to hear His voice?

Lesson Three: He is faithful.
Such a simple statement. It seems to say so little, but it encompasses so much. In the midst of every emotion; at the end of every question…there He was. Steady. Stable. Sovereign.

When I finally felt myself give up; when I finally decided to accept that this Walk was not going to be easy and conceded failure, I suddenly felt completely enveloped in grace and cloaked in comfort. I felt life breathed into me again.

I had to learn to walk again. I had to learn to let go and trust that when I lost my balance, He would catch me. So, with every new step, He spoke to me what each struggle was, why He allowed it, and how He would use it for my good and His glory. Everything I felt and fought was purposed. Go figure.

I was never lost. I was never alone.

So bring on the peaks. I like to climb.

Bring on the valleys. I’ve learned to crawl.

Look at the clouds! They’re so beautiful!

2008-11-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

This is not just a statement. The above title is actually an excerpt from a song I wrote when I was… ready? Three years old.

The following lines went something like this:
You can see Shamoo! And all the dolphins!

Prodigy child… I know.

Despite my severe lack of musical gifting, that song came to mind the other day while I was driving to work at sunrise. I have seen sunrises all over the world, quite literally. I have been blessed with ample opportunities to travel extensively, but I have yet to find a place that has the consistency of breathtaking sunrises as much as Colorado.

Something dawned on me (yes I know, cheesy, but that’s how I role) when I was watching the sun explode over the horizon and light up Pike’s Peak like the fourth of July.

One of the (big) reasons that sunrises, and sunsets for that matter, are so spectacular is because of the clouds that are often in the way. I don’t know the exact science behind the chemical and biological makeup of clouds; how they are formed; what makes them disintegrate; what makes them big and bubbly or what makes them think and wispy.

All I know is that were it not for their apparent obscurity, we may give little or no notice to the power and majesty of the sun. We may not recognize the radiance and brilliance of the sun’s luminosity if it did not have something to shine on or shine through.

Consider with me if you will: as 6th graders we are told numerous times, “Don’t look directly at the sun.” Why? It’s more than our human eyes can behold. If we were to stare at the sun, our retinas would all be but singed. Our sight would be compromised. Our vision would become blurred and distorted. It is simply too much for us to absorb.

But, through lenses of clouds, that which is damaging about the sun is filtered and what remains is that which is intoxicating. Colors that can not be replicated. Patterns that can not be imitated. Scenes of seemingly endless expanses of skies that intoxicate the soul, romance the mind, and whisper to the heart of an artist that has been inspired by his passion and desire for his love. He creates such scenes as a way of describing the splendor and beauty of her; his bride. Words scarcely do her justice and no picture could capture all that lies within her heart that has hypnotized him.

I am a hopeless romantic…. Hopeless.

There is another way of looking at the same sky. This is way is a little less whimsical but to me, just as radiant and lovely.

As I stated earlier, clouds are obscurities. They are molecular occurrences that detract from a blemish free blue vastness. It is for this reason that many people complain when they appear. “It is cloudy out,” It is overcast today.”

I wonder if clouds are not more than just puffy pillows that float aimlessly. I wonder if perhaps, clouds are meant to reveal, literally and metaphorically, mysteries about the nature, character, and love of God. Could it be that we dismiss them too quickly as being purposeless accidents of high and low pressure systems?

What if, instead of being instigators of shade vs. sunshine, they were in fact the providers of promise? Stick with me…

A verse that has become as real to me as my slightly burnt tongue (thanks to my tea) is found in Romans 8:28 which says “He works all things together for good to those who love Him.”

What if clouds are those things in our lives that for a time obstruct our view of God? What if they are those things that seem to block out the sun altogether? What if they are those things that bring more shade than sunshine?

Ok, one more step before we reach the top…

If that’s the case, look back at where we have come from. Clouds were those things that we first stated are instruments used to glorify God, radiate His splendor, and magnify His power. So, if that is the case, wouldn’t the clouds in our lives result in the same beauty once the sun comes out? Will they not also become illuminated with the same essence? They too will glow in hughes that defy description.

So perhaps the next time you see sunrise or sunset, think of that thing in your life that seems to be eclipsing the sun and remember that, in God’s sovereignty, when the time is right, He will shed His light through it and good will flow fourth.

I wonder if this made any sense to anyone?

Poet Poser

2008-11-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

The gentles breeze ruffles my hair
The fragrance of nature is subtle
Rays of light slip in and out of clouds
Warming my cheek like a kiss
Lying on a blanket of cool grass
I float between dreams and reality
Eyes closed, the melody of singing birds
Stills my soul
I feel you close, by my side
But I awake and am alone
For that brief, sweet moment
My rest was complete
Discontented yet again
I rise to start the journey over
I’m learning that those stops
However frequent or short
May be meant to teach and change me
But the sting? The open wound?
Will there be a time when, at the stop, on the mountain top
I will have a companion for the journey down?
Perhaps, but if not
I will simply walk faster
If I be alone, I’ll run with total abandon.

Hard Heart No More

2008-11-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

I rediscovered something about myself recently that I already knew। In fact, I have known for a while.
It’s one of those things that I won’t deny। I can’t. It’s too obvious.
I’m guarded.

Not guarded as in shy or reserved. In fact, most people would say I’m the opposite of shy; loud (unintentionally), outgoing, and boisterous at times.

But, like the shy person, I have developed ways in which to hide my insecurities. I guess everyone has.

My lovely mother pointed this out to me yesterday. On the one hand, I appreciate the fact that she spoke truth into me. Of course, I was immediately defensive and offended. “I have my reasons,” I thought to myself.

On the other hand, who likes to have their flaws pointed out? Who wants to deal with their baggage?

Then I heard the Lord ask “Why do you want to carry your baggage around?”

My deeply intelligent and oh-so-holy response: Because I’m comfortable with it; I can control it. And I can use it an excuse; a defense mechanism of sorts to ward off potential threats of… *fill in the blank*.

Picture with me if you will someone unknowingly digging themselves into a deep hole. That’s me. Moving on.

A girl from college once told me “Meredith, be careful you don’t guard your heart so much that you make it hard.”

I think I’m closer than I ever meant to get. And I’m not sure how I got there. So, instead of trying to pick apart my past, I’ve decided that I want to move forward with my future.

So I’m starting with prayer. A lot of prayer. Asking the Lord to soften my heart. That in and of itself is a harder prayer than I though it would be.

The one thing that I have noticed about being guarded is how scared I am. And I am tired of being scared. Because once I get over one thing, something else comes up.

Change, vulnerability, and the like are persistent things and I have run out of places to hide.

So, with fear still intact but with the decision to ignore it, I’m going to go out on a limb and do new things, trust more people, and try not to live out of my planner.

A Flattering Morning

2008-10-30T12:27:00.000-06:00

I woke up refreshed this morning. It’s amazing the difference a good night’s rest will make.

I was out of coffee this morning which gave me the perfect excuse to go to Starbucks and get a “grande, sugar free hazelnut, no-room-but-a-dash-of-soy-milk, Americano.”

I got to the office at 6:55, chatted with our lovely receptionist and then headed up to the fourth floor of our Global Ministry Center (a.k.a. world headquarters).

The lights were off, cubes were quiet, and I was contently sipping my coffee as I checked my personal email accounts.

As I opened my school account, I came across an email from Liberty University.
Meredith,
We at the Liberty Journal have heard that you’ve been working at Compassion International. We feature many alumni stories and are very interested to hear yours. If you are interested, send me an email back about what you are doing now and what your job at Compassion International encompasses.

I could hardly believe it. It could be that I was a lucky draw for a hat of recently graduated names. But this is the second email that I have received from Liberty stating that they have heard about what I am doing here at Compassion.

My first email came from Johhnie Moore, one of our campus pastors. He personally wrote to tell me that he had heard about me and what I was doing and wanted me to know that he was “proud of me.”

The Lord has an incredible and mysterious way of letting us know that He sees us where we are and hears us when we call. More than that, He knows when we need a little encouragement; a sign or word of affirmation that what we are doing is in fact what He wants us doing.

Our God is an intimate God. He’s more than caring; He concerned. He’s enthralled by us.
He pursues us. This is the most precious truth to me right now.

I am wanted. I am desired. I am seen as a treasure being sought after, fought for, and defended.

I am made worthy because He sees me that way. I have done nothing to deserve it and I am freed from earning it. I have been blessed with the gift of value and significance because He said so.

It’s a beautiful day.

Music of the Heart

2008-10-29T07:26:00.002-06:00

For those of you who know me at all, you know that I have an affinity for music. Not because I sing well or know how to play an instrument, although I wish I did. No, I take pleasure in music because of the way that I come to identify with it.

Perhaps I am even misleading in this. I identify and take pleasure in the word-pictures that are sung to a moving melody. The confessions, metaphors, and lyrics that are gently said, nearly whispered, in harmony and to the rhythm of an acoustic guitar or piano. There is something indescribably pure and innocent about music that I find solace in.

There are a handful of specific artists that seem to sing my life song. Songs that sing of enraptured joys, struggles, triumphs, the pains of growth and refinement, and the hope of plans yet to be realized.

Songs seem to be the conversations never had; feelings never expressed and therefore never understood. Instead of digging up the assortment of various past experiences, songs are the allusions but the not admissions of reality. Personal triumphs and tragedies. Loves had and loves lost. Moments of clarity and spiritual freedom followed by intense confusion and imprisonment to darker truths.

So why the seemingly unnecessary breakdown of songs?

Because it is the most intimate and lovely way of coming to the realization that we are not alone. Whatever we have faced in the past, are in the midst of now, or will soon come to terms with, chances are someone else has been there. There is someone, not physically but emotionally connected with us in that moment; in that place. Our thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes are met by the company of strangers.

Strangers that soon become confidants because, without saying it, they encapsulate what we are unable to communicate. They identify. Through the notes they choose to pin and the tones they choose to sing, they echo the emotions that lack description. They give substance to the intangible.

Not only is it an incredible talent, but it is a priceless gift for those who receive.

So that is why music is something of a treasure to me. It is that elusive, formless, and beautiful thing that brings the knowledge of being understood and heard.

2008-10-28T09:27:00.001-06:00

Cliché, but true.

“You can’t out-give God.” We have all heard it. Every pastor says it during the part of the service when they take up tithes and offerings. It a trademark line; a way of convicting (or convincing you) that if you give to the Lord, He will give back to you.

For the longest time, before I actually started tithing, I thought it was “scammy;” a little on the disingenuous side.

And it bugged me.

“How can they say that? How do they know that the Lord will give back?”

Come to find out, my naivety was based on inexperience. Having started to work (for a living) this summer I decided to tithe, predominantly out of obligation and Biblical mandate, not because I wanted to. I also thought it would be a good way to test the theory.

*It should be noted that I don’t recommend this attitude. I’m simply being honest about where I was/am.

The first Sunday that I gave was particularly hard. With financial independence being only a few weeks old, I had suddenly and brutally realized the true value of money; how hard you had to work to earn it and how quickly and easily it seemed to be spent. I’m a frugal person by nature, so when I refer to spending money, I mean on basic necessities.

As I wrote the check, my hand shook slightly because the amount which I wrote the check for was the same amount that I needed for gas, groceries, etc. Every other way that I could be using it suddenly came to mind and it made it that much harder to release into an offering plate.

The next day, Monday, as I drove to work, I glanced down about every 30 seconds to see how much gas I had. I had more than enough. But I wasn’t really looking at the gas gauge to see how much gas I had. I looked at the gas gauge in attempt to estimate how much money it would take to fill it up after every passing mile.

Irritated at myself for being more concerned with money that I would have thought, I asked the Lord for the strength of faith to trust Him, to rest in His goodness. Turns out, that is a lot easier said than done.

At the end of the day, I was on the phone with my mom catching up on the day’s events at home and among family.

“By the way,” she started, “I put some money in your account because I know how much driving you are doing and I know that gas is expensive. I just don’t want you to worry about it.”

I was speechless. I barely uttered a “thank you” for I was trying not to cry. I didn’t know how much she had deposited. It didn’t matter.

About an hour later, curiosity got the better of me and I checked my account online. Resting in the left column was an amount that was exactly double the amount which I had tithed.

I feel that elaborating on this will only dilute it. I don’t think I need to explain.

Good is good. He is faithful. End of story.

2008-10-28T08:48:00.000-06:00

They were just like us

Have you ever read your Bible like a fiction novel? I don’t mean to imply that you should or that it is not completely true and non-fictional. It is conclusively the infallible word of God. I simply mean that sometimes, taking a step-back from the pre-determined and instructed form of studying it may grant us the perspective that is more potent and penetrating to our emotional souls than to our spiritual minds.

My favorite books of the Bible are more filled with characters and testimonies of the human struggle than with world history. For example, I prefer the gospels and Psalms over Numbers or Deuteronomy. I suspect that many may agree, but allow me to explain why.

Within the gospels is the story not only of our Savior, but of the men that followed. His disciples consisted of a collection of fishermen, tax-collectors, doctors, and writers. Normal. Average. Not particularly special for any other reason than the fact that they were called and responded.

That being said, I often find it encouraging to read the accounts of Jesus’ miracles (feeding the five thousand, healing the lame, giving sight to the blind, ascending into heaven, etc.) not merely because of the signs and wonders of our God, but because of the response of his followers.

Doubt is not something that is new to our generation or to our culture. It is not something that is unique to you or me. It is in fact something that Jesus’ disciples struggled with. It is something that they dealt with in the midst of his presence!

Example: Matthew chapter eight, beginning in verse 23, Jesus and His disciples are boarding a boat to sail to the other side of the sea. When a “great storm arose” (ESV) His disciples woke Him up saying “Save us Lord, we are perishing!” (ESV) Only slightly dramatic.

What I find unbelievable is their lack of belief. Only a few days earlier, they had witnessed Jesus heal dozens of lame, sick, and diseased. More specifically, Jesus had gone to Peter’s home and healed his ailing mother. So why the lack of perfect, unwavering, faith? They were human.

In His midst, at times His only witnesses, they still fought and failed to believe completely without any doubt who He was. They heard Him speak, they watched Him die, and they ate breakfast with on the shore after the resurrection, and still the struggled. What a beautiful picture of God’s grace and patience with those He loves. Never condemning nor condescending for the inability to be filled with full assurance of faith.

It was not just His disciples who fought their flesh; the list includes David, the man after God’s own heart and John the Baptist, Christ’s forerunner. Let’s dive a little deeper.

The book of Psalms is one of my favorite books because of the display and of unashamed emotions, thoughts, and feelings felt by one man. Not only did he labor and toil in his faith walk with his God, but he was utterly honest and transparent about the state of his heart and soul. I think it is a beautiful mess; a lovely Pollock-type painting that reflects the magnificence and splendor of a God that can take anything we have and all that we are and shape it and make it into something that ultimately brings glory and honor to Him.

If He can take David, a lying, adulterous, murderer, and use Him to display His love, grace, and salvation to the nations, then I too am salvageable. And so are you.

John the Baptist, a giant in the faith was also human. In Matthew 11:11, Jesus says, “I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist.” (NIV) No questions about it, he was a remarkable man. But he was hardly treated as one, and his faith faltered because of it.

In Luke 7, beginning in verse 19, John sends his disciples to ask Jesus if He is in fact who He says He is. Lying in wait in a prison cell, mere hours from his unexpected execution, he began to question. Theologians, who contribute to the online source BibleGateway.com, provided the following commentary about doubt:
Often doubt brings reflection and growth. Such is the case with John's inquiries about Jesus. Not only does the Baptist get an answer that calls for his reflection, but Jesus uses the inquiry to help others consider anew the roles John and he have in God's plan. The psychological adversity of doubt carries the seed of real growth, when the answer is sought from God's perspective.
Lastly, let’s look at Peter. Ah, Peter. Perhaps one of the more famous disciples for reasons that don’t include steadfast faith or rational judgment. It’s for the very reason that he is my favorite. Here’s a prime example why: Matthew 14:28-30.
Peter is with the rest of the disciples on the boat on the fourth watch of the night. Jesus, who had sent them ahead, decided to meet up with them… on the water. As He comes walking out onto the waves, the guys flip out and scream “It’s a ghost!” (ESV)
If I were Jesus (everyone breathe a sigh of relief that I am not) I’m pretty sure I would roll my eyes and think to myself, “I probably could have picked better followers.” But in His patience, He calls Peter to walk out onto the water and meet Him. At this point, Peter jumps into the water and begins walking toward Jesus.
You would think that this miraculous event would have confirmed to Peter that Jesus was in fact the Son of God, which should have done away with all doubt. But leave it to Peter to get spooked by… the wind. In verse 30 it says “When [Peter] saw the wind he was afraid and beginning to sink, he called cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”
Reading this story makes me want to laugh in Peter’s face and scoff at just how silly he was. But I can’t. None of us can. Because we have all done the same thing. We are all like Peter.
In case you haven’t made the connection yet, let me let you in on something that I have recently discovered. If you (myself included) feel as though you need only to witness a “miracle” or need to literally and audibly hear the voice of God speaking to you in order for all doubt to be gone… you’re mistaken.
Jesus’ disciples lived, breathed, and tasted three years of ministry along side Jesus and were still unable to stay convinced. Be encouraged in this as I am: The weaknesses in their faith did not hinder Gods love for them or His patience with them. Instead, He continued to lead them and use them for His glory. Bottom line: God’s notoriety is not as dependent upon us as we think. In fact, He doesn’t need at all. Instead, He grants us the honor and privilege of being used by Him to bring Him praise.
No matter how many times you begin to sink when you see then wind, He will continue to reach out His hand and pull you up. Over. And over. And Over…

2008-10-28T08:42:00.001-06:00

The Great Game of Spiritual Chess

Sunday was a great day. For a lot of reasons. For starters, the weather was absolutely stunning. Crystal clear blue skies that were merely intensified by the spectacular rays of sunshine that seemed to brighten everything they landed on; the warmth of the sun on my cheek as I sat outside with a friend over lunch felt like a gentl kiss, romancing my whole spirit. It was intoxicating. It was a great day to be in the house of the Lord, praising Him with His church, His bride.

Church was another reason that the day was extraordinary. We had a guest pastor…from Texas. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned that I am from Texas. His southern twang and use of distinctly southern adjectives and phrases made me feel right at home.

Now, I have been told on a number of occasions that I don’t sound like I’m from Texas. A fact that I am proud of. However, I do appreciate the southern draw, especially when I am far from the motherland.

The weight of his sermon and the Lord’s message through it was more comforting and encouraging then the way that he spoke. And that is the point of this blog.

It should be noted that much of what I am about to write is not my own idea or logic, but simply a recollection of what I heard and what the Lord showed me.

The sermon was entitled, “God Needs You.” When I first read the bulletin, I was alarmed to say the least. “No He doesn’t,” I thought to myself, “He’s God. He doesn’t need anything or anyone.” As he began to introduce himself and the sermon, he quickly got to his first point which was “God doesn’t need you.”

I furrowed my brow and cocked my head to the right. “What’s with this guy? Of all the pastors in Texas, and we get this guy?” Harsh, I know. But I’m being honest. He went on to untangle the figurative knot that he tied and suddenly what he said started to become clear and convicting.

Before the Lord can work in our lives, move in us, change us, speak to us, and teach us what He wants, we have to be willing. We have to invite Him to do so. In order for Him to act, we have to make the first move.

God is a gentleman and He is not going to force Himself on us. Matthew 7:7 is a prefect example of this concept. It says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (NIV). We must be the ones to move first and “ask,” “seek”, or “knock.”

When we ask Him to speak or show up, He will because He was invited. When we seek Him through His word or through prayer, He will be found because He wants us to want Him.

In the same way that He knocks and waits for the door our hearts to be open, when we knock on His door, He will answer it. But why would He open a door that has not been knocked on? We must knock first.

Asking, seeking, and knocking all imply a certain amount of faith; a belief that when we do those things, He will in fact respond. One example that illustrates the importance of even the smallest faith on our part is found in Mark 6:5. Jesus returns to his hometown, but their unbelief and lack of faith kept Him from performing miracles there.

Did it physically keep Him from performing miracles? No. While He was fully man, He was simultaneously fully God. He could have done miraculous signs and wonders to convince them, but He chose not to because they did not think that He would or that He could. Bottom line: unless you believe that He can do what you ask, He won’t.

The last thing that the pastor elaborated on was, to me, the coolest part. When we do our part, which is natural, God will do His part, which is supernatural. He has not asked us to do or accomplish more than is humanly possible. But when we do as much as we can, He will do so much more than we knew to ask or pray for!

In Mark 16, beginning in verse 17 it says “these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will ….lay hands on the sick and they will recover” (ESV).

Let’s break it down. If you lay your hands on a sick person and pray for healing, the physical act of you laying your hands on that person does not heal them. But it represents the faith that you have that God can heal them. So when we act on faith, He then will act in His faithfulness. He will be the reason for healing because by His supernatural power, He can heal them.

All this to say, Sunday was a good day.

2008-10-27T07:30:00.001-06:00

I like to work out. And due to some extensive knee surgery in high school, I like to stick with the elliptical. Despite the fact that my gym has roughly seventy-two TV’s, they are never turned to any channel that I find interesting enough to keep my mind off my work out. Listening to music doesn’t help my attention span either. Talking with someone is my preference, but my lack of oxygen prohibits me from having a conversation much longer than three words. So how do I pass the time?

I have started listening to podcasted sermons on my ipod.

It has proven to be the best way to hold my attention and focus. Not only does is not get boring (because I haven’t heard them before like the songs on my play list) but I can actually work out longer because I am no longer constantly looking down at the clock on my machine. I’m concentrating on what is being said. Who knew?

A few days ago while “elliptizing,” I was listening to a sermon called “Hands and Feet” by Matt Chandler at The Village Church in Dallas, Texas. And something hit home… hard.

He was reading out of Matthew 25:31-40; pointing out that Jesus’ miracles were primarily preformed around the poor and the needy, those whose faith was their only possession.

In verse 31, Jesus is describing for his disciples the way in which believers and non-believers will be divided at judgment and on what basis they will be welcomed into the kingdom. In verse 35 he Jesus says, “I was hungry and you have me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink…” (ESV) It goes on to say that the righteous will answer “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and gave you drink.”

You all know what He says next. “Truly I say unto you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (ESV) I know that this may not be a new verse or a revolutionary concept, but stick with me. Where Mr. Chandler went from here was profound.

Most would read that passage and immediately think, “Ok, I have to do more; if feeding the hungry and clothing the naked is what is going to get me into heaven, then I need to pencil in my volunteer time at the local Salvation Army this Saturday.”

But again, we all know that you can not work or earn your way to heaven; Christianity is not a works based faith. So it would appear as though we are at a cross-roads. But in fact we are not.

We are at the very intersection where the law and grace meet. Turn left and you live for yourself. Sure to grow tired, worn, and eventually defeated, for the law leaves no room for error.
But turn right and you die to yourself and will be raised with the glory of Christ. And it is at this resurrection that something extraordinary happens. As Mr. Chandler described it “the way out of works-based mentality is this: doing what comes naturally when the gospel penetrates your heart and changes your spirit. It is not something you will or can do in your own strength, power or will, but is instead a natural outflow of progressive sanctification. It will happen because God has control of your whole being and He has changed your heart, mind and desires to reflect His.”

As this word began to sink in, I peddled slower and my heart rate began to stabilize. Then I realized, “If I want to be more like Christ, if I want to do His will, serve His people and be obedient with everything that He has blessed me with, than He will reveal to me what that looks like gradually as my faith grows and my dependence on Him deepens.”

If all of our questions and wonderings were answered or made clear in one sitting, why would anyone still feel the need to seek Him? They wouldn’t need to. There would be no need for relationship.

It seems as though I can not escape this lesson: In everything, no matter what, at all times, seek to know Him more and He will provide. He will provide us with the strength to do that which we can not do ourselves which is to display and reflect His goodness and grace more clearly to others. We are to be living testaments but all too often we get in the way; we speak up when no words are needed.

Matthew 7:16 says that “You will know them by their fruits.” (NASB)

As hard as it is for me (ask my boss), I am finally learning to shut up. Because at the end of the day, what I have to say is of no consequence. Instead I’m finding that what I have heard and learned from the Lord, will pour out of my life if I am fully and humbly surrendered and it probably won’t be verbal. It will flow forth as physical and spiritual necessity to be obedient to what I know.

Comfort in Company

2008-10-27T07:26:00.000-06:00

I take comfort in being able to identify with people. I like knowing that I am not alone. For example, the other night while my roommates and I were watching the Olympics I randomly spoke up and asked, “When you moved into your first apartment and really broke ground for your independence, were you nervous? Were you anxious at all about how it would all work out and whether or not you really had what it took to do it?”

The looked at one another and smiled (they are both slightly older and therefore much wiser). With simple nods and loving explanations they recapped their first-time apartment experiences.

There is something about knowing that you are not the first one on the boat headed down a new river that is reassuring. You put in and push off into calm and fluid waters; gently flowing forward with soft ripples tenderly breaking the glassy surface. Yet, it is inevitable that rapids will come; turbulent waters will approach, especially when it rains and the waters rise. More than being afraid of the rapids, I tend to be afraid that I am and will be the only one to face those particular waters.

I have never been one for white water-rafting. I don’t get a thrill from putting myself in potentially dangerous situations. Ironically though, every time I have gone (and by that I mean, pressured to go), I always end up having a great time. I think there are several reasons for this.

For starters, there have always been eight to twelve other people that I know in the boat with me. So, if I end up going overboard, someone is going with me. Secondly, we have always had an experienced guide who had traversed that very river numerous times. He knows every nook and cranny of the waterway; where the placid and temperate areas are that are good for rest, the areas to avoid, and most importantly, he knows what rapids are coming up and when. He has plowed through them countless times and understands where and how to steer into them. That’s right; into them.

By steering dead ahead into a rapid, you will get shot through to the other side with little help or need from you own paddle. The strength and force of so much water will carry the boat, and its occupants, over the boulder(s), which create the rapids.

If you steer to the side though, chances are your boat will get caught in an undercurrent and you will get sucked into the rapid. It’s not a guarantee that you will flip, but it will take an enormous amount of power and team work from everyone in the boat to get the boat up and out of the crevice. Is it doable? Yes. It is difficult? Yes.

But the guide instructs, calling out commands and directions, telling the people on the right side of the boat to paddle one way and the people on the left side of the boat to paddle the other way.

I remember going down a river with class four rapids (they are measured on a scale of one to five; five being the biggest). Our guide would not tell us how many rapids we would face or when they were coming until they were nearly in sight. It was smart of his part because if I had known what I would be facing from the beginning, I would have jumped overboard and swam ashore.

I think it’s the same with God. If He showed us everything we would encounter along the way, we wouldn’t stick around to see how He would carry us through it. We wouldn’t enjoy the ride because we would be distracted with what laid ahead. We would not enjoy the quiet places; the parts of the river that are meant for swimming and picture-taking.

When turbulent waters do come though, He sits calmly in the back of the boat, steering and instructing us as to what we are supposed to do with our own paddles.

One thing about white-water rafting that is inevitable is getting wet. Outside of the mandatory splash fights, you will most likely get wet when you conquer the rapids. If I had to choose a part of the adventure that I enjoy most, that would be it. Getting splashed.

It is initially shockingly cold. But, on the back side of the rapid, when the water evens out and you can coast, it is so refreshing. As the trip goes on, it eventually evaporates, but not without relieving you from the heat of the sun. It serves a purpose. It renews and revives excitement. It energizes your spirit; it awakens your senses.

When you look back at what you went through, you can smile and breathe a sigh, not relief, but of belief. Belief that your guide, your God, was there, piloting your boat and your life. Never alarmed or overpowered, but in total and complete control. When you turn back around to face the front and gaze out on the water, rest assured that in the same way he steered your way through the previous rapids, He will continue to guide you in the future.

He has no reason to jump ship. He is neither afraid nor unaware of what’s to come. On the contrary, He has permitted the boulders to fall where they may and He plans on using the rough waters to mold and shape you, to strengthen you faith and forearms. The paddle He has equipped you with, His Word, will cut through any water and will propel you forward in the way you are to go.

As quickly as the rapids come, they pass. You are on the other side before you know it and you are one rapid experience stronger, more assured, and confident that you can handle the rest of the river. Not because you and your paddle saved the day, but because your guide knew where he was going and how to get there.

So grab your paddle, strap on your life-jacket, and jump in the boat. Get ready for the ride of a lifetime. And remember, you’re not alone.

Heev-Ho!